


As Long As It's Me

by nightvalemeteorologist



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Getting Together, Humor, Kissing, M/M, Matt has a hard time with his feelings, Misunderstanding, jealousy mistaken for homophobia, kink meme fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 06:48:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7158119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightvalemeteorologist/pseuds/nightvalemeteorologist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on this prompt in the kinkmeme: http://daredevilkink.dreamwidth.org/8423.html?thread=16704231#cmt16704231<br/>"Something inspired by this:</p><p>http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/straight-guy-worries-hes-homophobic-gay-roommate-ends-falling-love/</p><p>This gist of it is a straight guy keeps getting upset when his gay roommate brings guys home or sleeps with/kisses other guys. At first, he thinks it's some latent homophobia. Eventually, he figures out it's because he's in love with his roommate and was getting jealous of all those other guys the roommate was sleeping with instead of him.</p><p>"Plot twist: it turns out I don’t have any problem with [roommate] kissing guys if it’s me he’s kissing."</p><p>If this doesn't have Matt and Foggy written all over it, I don't know what does."</p><p> </p><p>I tried to be funny. I am pretty sure it worked. I needed some fluff and I bet you do too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As Long As It's Me

Matt's angry. 

Which is completely ridiculous. He has absolutely no reason to feel anger right now. It is an irrational and inappropriate response to his friend and roommate successfully picking up a guy at the bar. It was the reason they went out in the first place, after all. And Matt hasn't exactly been striking out himself. But none of that stops the sharp pang of anger in his chest as he listens to Foggy's flirtations grow increasingly suggestive.

Matt's known pretty much from the beginning that Foggy likes men and it has never bothered him before. He never thinks twice about being physical with Foggy, holding onto his arm as they walk across campus and returning his playful flirtations. But this is the first time he has actually witnessed Foggy picking someone up and it leaves a bad taste in his mouth. Matt shrugs off his strange reaction and turns his attention back to the pretty girl chatting him up.

When Foggy doesn't come back to the dorm that night, Matt chalks up the weird feeling in his stomach to being concerned for his friend. 

 

~~ ~~

 

Matt is frozen in the hallway outside of his dorm, hand halfway to the knob. He doesn't have to make contact to know there is a tie hanging from it – their earlier agreed upon signal for this kind of thing. He can hear, smell, and practically feel what is happening on the other side of the door. It is six in the evening and Matt can't even imagine what happened to lead to this. Suddenly, irrationally, he is angry again. Fuming. He hears Foggy moan, loud enough that you wouldn't need super powers to catch it. His stomach turns, feels almost ill. There are other sounds that only Matt can detect, their erratic heartbeats, the sweaty slid of skin against skin. He forces himself back, turning from the door and fleeing down the hall. He'll just go to the library and study for a few more hours. Maybe stop by the bar first. 

When he gets back to the dorm, much later that night, he doesn't bring it up. Foggy is in high spirits and the whole room reeks of sex. Matt cracks the window and tries to ignore the gnawing feeling in his gut. 

 

~~ ~~

 

“What about that girl you went out with last week? The blond? You gonna see here again?” Foggy asks as they make their way across campus to one of their shared classes. Matt's holding onto Foggy's arm as usual. He shrugs at Foggy's question.

“I don't think so,” he says noncommittally. 

“Do you even see them again?” Foggy chuckles.

“Do you?” Matt counters with a little more bite then he intended. 

“Usually, they don't want to see me again,” Foggy jokes self deprecatingly. Matt feels a strange, angry twinge at that. He doesn't say anything else. 

 

~~ ~~

 

Matt hates this guy. He is a loud, bragging, asshole, and Foggy seems to be falling for every word of it. They didn't come out for this either, it was supposed to be a _friends_ night out. They agreed, no picking people up tonight. But here Foggy is, flirting and completely ignoring Matt. After nearly ten minutes of this, Matt can't take it anymore. 

“Hey, Foggy,” he interrupts, stepping beside Foggy and laying a hand on his shoulder. “Is there an open table outside?” he is pointedly turned away from the guy Foggy has been flirting with, obviously ignoring him. 

Foggy is slightly startled by Matt's interrupts. He realizes that he was ignoring his friend a bit in favor of flirting. “Yeah, I think so, buddy. Come on, let's check it out.” Foggy makes a quick apology to the man before slipping his arm through Matt's and leading him toward the patio.

 

~~ ~~

 

“Excuse me,” Matt snaps, tone clearly annoyed as the guy leaving their dorm room slams into him as he is opening the door. 

“Oh, sorry man. Didn't see you there.” He replies automatically.

“Ha, Ha,” Matt gestures to his cane, no humor in his voice. 

“Ah. Shit. Sorry, I-”

“A-huh,” Matt pushes past him into his dorm, ignoring the glare he can feel Foggy shooting him a glar. 

“See you around, James,” Foggy calls. 

“Uh, yeah. See ya,” and with that, he shuts the door and is blessedly gone. Matt drops onto his bed, annoyance itching at his skin. 

“Well, that was a little rude,” Foggy says.

“Was it?”

“Yes, actually,” Foggy snaps. He sits down heavily on his bed, still glaring at Matt. “You have kind of been doing that a lot lately, actually.”

Matt sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Doing what?” He decides to play dumb. 

“Don't do that. You know exactly what I am talking about. You have been kind of an asshole lately and I want to know why. Did I do something? Am I messy roommate? Do I have a bed smell, talk in my sleep? Did I insult you in some way I can't remember, because I know I can be an idiot when I'm drunk-”

“No,” Matt says sharply. “Nothing like that.”

“Okay, well,” Foggy starts, voice sounding suddenly very small. “Is it...” Matt knows exactly where this is going and he always feels a knot of guilt forming. “I thought you didn't have a problem with -”

“Foggy,” Matt sits up and turns to face his friend. “That's not it either.” Matt is pretty sure he's lying he doesn't know how to tell Foggy that he might actually have a problem with his sexuality. 

“Oh?”

“No. I mean,” Matt starts and he should really just stop while he's ahead, “maybe you have people over a little often...”

Foggy scoffs at that. “It's not like you don't bring people over, probably more than I do. What about that girl last semester, showed up constantly. For all of two weeks.” Foggy is clearly annoyed and not buying it. 

“That was months ago and I've barely been with anyone lately.”

“Is it that I'm having people over or is it that they are guys?” 

“Foggy, I told you-”

“Yeah,” Foggy interrupts, “You _told_ me but you've only been showing me discomfort and annoyance, so...” 

“I don't care who you sleep with!” 

“Sure, whatever you say,” Foggy snaps.

“I don't!”

“Yeah, you said that.” Foggy pushes off his bed and heads toward the door.

“Foggy-”

“I just need to talk a walk. I'll see you later, Matt.”

 

When he gets back, two hours later, Foggy acts as though nothing happened. Matt tries to apologize but Foggy just shrugs it off and asks if he's eaten yet. 

 

~~

 

Matt doesn't know what to do. He keeps going over it in his head and he can't deny Foggy's accusations. He hates it when Foggy is with other men. Anger boiling in the pit of his stomach, fists clenched, hates it. He doesn't like to listen to Foggy talk about his hook-ups and almost feels sick when he listens to him flirt. Despite his Catholicism, he's never considered himself homophobic. He has always considered the church wrong on the matter and thought of himself has fairly opened minded. Now, he is doubting that. 

But Foggy is his best friend. The best friend he has ever had. And he knows it's a ridiculous thing to let ruin that. He just needs to get over it. 

Matt is mulling all this over with a cooling cup of coffee in the campus cafe when he hears the click of Marci's heels approaching. He tries not to groan out loud. 

“What are you pouting about, Murdock?” she inquires, pulling up a seat uninvited. 

“I'm not pouting.”

“That's a lie,” Marci says, taking a sip of her latte. “I could you see you moping from across the room. What's up? Marriage problems?”

Behind his glasses, Matt rolls his eyes. “It's nothing.”

“Well, I don't believe that.” She leans back in her seat and inspects Matt as though she can figure out exactly what the problem is. “Aw, come on, Matt. You can tell me. I have ten minutes to kill.”

Matt doesn't say anything for a moment, considering. Marci isn't exactly a reliable confidant and he can't trust that she won't tell Foggy everything he says. At least that will jump start a conversation. Matt sighs and tells her his problem.

Once he is done talking, Marci sets her coffee cup down and leans back in her chair, hands crossed on the table in front of her. Matt can tell she is regarding him very seriously. A moment later, she bursts into laughter. Matt is a bit taken aback by this.

“What?” He waits for a moment but she just keeps laughing. “Marci!”

“Sorry, sorry,” She waves her hand, clearly not sorry at all, still chuckling. 

“Why is this so funny to you?” He knew this conversation was a bad idea. 

“Oh, Murdock. You sweet baby bird. You really don't know, do you?”

“Know what?” 

“It's call jealousy,” she explains. He scowls at her. 

“I'm not jealous of Foggy-”

“No,” she agrees, “You are jealous of those guys he's been hooking up with.”

“What?” Matt asks incredulously, “That's not, that's-”

“Matt.” Marci interrupts. “I have a very unimpressed look on my face right now.”

“Why would I-”

“Honey. Seriously. I know you are _very_ catholic but have you not considered the possibility that you have a crush on Foggy?”

“No,” Matt says quickly. “That's not what-” Matt cuts off. It all centers around Foggy, that's true. But that doesn't mean... Foggy is just his best friend. Matt doesn't like guys. He definitely can't stand the idea of Foggy being with anyone. Maybe, sometimes, he feels flushed and giddy when Foggy slings an arm around his shoulder or brushes a hand through his hair. And he definitely touches Foggy more then strictly necessary but... “Oh,” Matt says softly. “Shit.”

“There you go!” Marci cheers. “You got there.” Matt must look shell shocked because Marci pats his shoulder. “If it helps, he pretty clearly likes you too.”

“That...doesn't help,” Matt says after a moment.

“Listen, as much as I am enjoying the utterly terrified look on your face right now, I have class. Think it over. And you know, talk to him.” she tells him before sliding out of her chair. “You'll be fine, choir boy.”

 

~~ ~~

 

“Hey, buddy. What's up?” 

Matt nearly jumps out of his skin when Foggy comes barging into their dorm room. He was so lost in thought he didn't even sense Foggy approaching.

“Hey,” he greets, hoping his voice doesn't sounds to shaky.

“Shouldn't you be studying?” Foggy teases as he flops down on his own bed. 

“Oh, yeah. I'm...” He gestures to the closed books on his bed, “trying,” he finishes.

“I can see. Really overworking yourself there,” Foggy's tone is light and affectionate. Matt can just offer a forced smile in return.”Well, as long as you are clearly not studying, wanna get drunk?”

“Sure,” Matt agrees, maybe a touch too quickly. 

Foggy leans down to fish under his bed for the half bottle of whiskey he stashed there. Matt tries not to fidget as Foggy pours him a drink. Half of him wants to bolt out of the room and the other half wants to kiss Foggy senseless. Which. Okay. That's a new line of thinking. Matt shoves that thought awake quickly, not wanting to think about it with Foggy so close and a drink in his hand. 

 

They end up falling asleep on Foggy's bed sometime close to morning. Matt wakes up with Foggy mostly on top of him, limbs tangled together and breath hot on his neck. He is caught between the need to bolt and the urge to press up against Foggy's touch. Foggy smells like stale alcohol and the terrible take out he made them get last night, and he definitely needed a shower two days ago. Still, Matt breaths in his scent deeply and feels calmer then he has in weeks. 

Matt takes this moment, while Foggy is still soundly asleep on his chest, to fully consider his predicament. He was trying to last night before Foggy came home and distracted him. _Home._ That's not something Matt can ignore. The cramped dorm room he shares with Foggy is the first place he has felt at home at in years. Foggy is well on his way to becoming family and is that really worth losing over some crush?

Matt runs his hands through Foggy's hair and feels that he could never lose him over something like this. Matt doesn't know exactly what will happen if he confesses his still confused feels to Foggy but he is pretty sure it wont end in him losing his friend forever. Things will be tense and awkward, certainly, but Matt is sure things will be worse if he doesn't say anything at all. 

Foggy shifts in his sleep, humming against Matt's chest and stretching his limbs lazily. He is close to waking and Matt tries to hold onto this moment as long as possible. Foggy's warmth and weight against his body is grounding and he doesn't want to lose that. 

Foggy yawns as he stretches widely. “Morning,” he mumbles, voice rough with sleep. Their legs are still tangled together and he makes no move to change that. He laughs when he rolls his head over to look at Matt. “Your hair,” he gets out between giggles. Matt frowns at him, lifting a hand up to inspect. Foggy bats it away, still laughing. “No, trust me. It's fantastic. Leave it that way all day.”

Matt reaches out to tug at Foggy's hair. “There's no way yours looks any better,” he teases.

“Can't argue with that.”

Then, they are just laying in bed, legs twists together and hands in each others hair. Matt's heart is hammering and so is Foggy's. For a moment, he is sure they are going to kiss. The next, Foggy is pulling away and rolling off the bed, grumbling about morning breath and falling asleep in his jeans. 

Matt needs to tell him. He is going to tell him.

 

~~ ~~

 

Four days later, Matt still hasn't said anything. They are at their usual campus bar, sitting on the same side of a booth and each on their third beer. Matt decided today would be the day and meant to say something by noon. He knows he is putting it off but he can't help it. Not saying anything is definitely easier then saying something. 

“Ooo, he's cute,” Foggy remarks offhandedly as a group walks past their table. Matt bristles beside him. “Can you tell?” Foggy asks conversationally, “Or does your creepy hotness detecting third sense only work with certain genders?”

_I don't know anymore._ Matt thinks. He tries to laugh it off but can't come up with a quick retort. “Foggy, I need to talk to you about something,” Matt says in a rush without thinking it through. 

Foggy instantly stills at that wording, heart beating nervously. “Okay. That's a really foreboding way to start a conversation but okay. What's up?”

“Um, can we go outside?” Matt asks, uncertainty gnawing at his gut. He knows he is making Foggy nervous but he is pretty sure it's warranted. 

“Sure.” Foggy agrees. They both down their drinks before standing up and heading out to the back patio. Foggy leads Matt to a quiet corner, hand resting gently on the small of his back as he leads him. Matt wants to lean into the touch and briefly images pressing his face against Foggy's neck and just breathing him in. “Okay, you're freaking me out. What's up?” 

“Foggy, I,” Matt starts, unsure of how to begin. “I know I've been a jerk lately.”

“Aw, man. Don't worry abo-”

“No,” Matt interrupts. “Wait. I have something to say. I've been a jerk lately, I know. It hasn't been fair to you. And I think, I mean, I am pretty sure that... I have been acting like that because I'm jealous.”

Foggy lets out a small laugh at that. “Jealous? It's not like you are having a hard time finding peo-”

“No,” Matt says against, voice stronger the longer he goes on. “I... It's not that. It's, I mean...I.” Matt pauses to take a deep breath, trying to settle his nerves. “I've been jealous because I like you,” Matt says in one breath.

“I'm sorry, walk me through that one more time.”

“Foggy,” Matt huffs out a thin laugh, head ducked as he wrings his hands together. 

“You're being serious right now? This isn't some kind of elaborate and cruel joke?”

“I wouldn't – no. Foggy, I'm being serious right now. I didn't realize at first. I get so mad when you are with other guys and at first I thought... Okay, at first I thought that maybe I actually did have a problem with you being gay but that was wrong. I just, I... Fuck, Foggy. I don't know. I really want to kiss you.”

Foggy is quiet for a moment, difficult for Matt to read. “Matt,” He starts, serious and understanding. “Are you sure? Because I'm not going to pretend I don't want that too. I mean, _fuck,_ Matt. But, are we going to do this? I mean, we'll change our friendship forever and roommate relationships aren't notorious for their longevity-”

“Foggy,” Matt interrupts, voice more confident then he feels, “I've been over this a hundred times this week. I'm scared, confused, and I really want to kiss you.”

Foggy takes a deep breath and makes his decision. “Okay. But let's go home first, yeah?”

Matt lets out a long breath, tension in his shoulders finally releasing. “Yes, please.”

 

~~ ~~

 

Matt feels more comfortable once they are back in their dorm. He is still brimming with anxiety, hands trembling as he shuts the door behind them and pulls off his jacket. “Hey,” he says as he turns toward Foggy, offering him a nervous smile.

“Hey.” Matt hesitates near the door, unsure of what to do. Foggy steps toward him, smiling. “Come here,” he says, reaching out to touch Matt's hand gently. Matt moves forward, lacing their fingers together and stepping into Foggy's personal space. 

They laugh together, leaning against each other as they try to get comfortable with the situation. “This is weird. Is this weird?” Foggy asks. He winds his arms around Matt's back and pulls him closer. 

“Yeah,” Matt laughs, “Maybe. Can I kiss you now?”

“Yeah.”

So Matt kisses him.

_Oh,_ he thinks as soon as their lips touch. A giggle bubbles up from Matt's stomach and he can't hold it back but he just keeps kissing Foggy through it, grinning and giddy the whole time. Foggy laughs into the kiss in response, winding a hand in Matt's hair. Matt lets out a tiny moan, hands tightening on Foggy's shoulders.

“Oh,” Matt echoes his thought when they pull away for air. “Okay, I definitely liked that. A lot.”

Foggy drops his head against Matt's, shoulders shaking in almost silent laughter. “Good,” Foggy breaths. “Because I loved it.”

 

~~ ~~

 

It turns out, Matt doesn't have a problem with Foggy kissing guys as long as he's the guy that Foggy is kissing.


End file.
